Lonely at the “Top”

Apparently, when my mother was filling out the order form for her bouncing baby boy (that would be me), she forgot to check the boxes for the “Assertiveness” and “Decisiveness” genes.

Consequently, these are two of my weaker character traits. This means that, as the head of household, every action I take and decision I make, requires diligent concentration and deliberate thought. My role and responsibilities as hoh don’t flow organically from my personality.

In most situations, my actions and decisions are simple and straightforward. We have several rules with defined consequences. She breaks a rule, she gets the consequence. My role is, to a certain extent, choreographed for me. With predefined actions and dialog.

But in some situations, my responsibility and my authority are less well defined. In those situations, I start second guessing my decisions and questioning my judgment. I desperately want someone objective to offer some guidance and tell me whether I was right, or whether I was wrong. But who can I turn to, who can I confide in?

I could certainly post a question in the forum I belong to. There are a number of men in the forum who would be only too willing to offer advice. My problem is that although I share the same role as these men, I have a difficult time relating to them. Most seem hardwired for this lifestyle, with an abundance of the “Assertiveness” and “Decisiveness” genes. Many also have very different goals and relationships with their wives, than I have with mine. Consequently, I have been reluctant to post.

But I’ve grown weary of being the lone horseman, tilting at windmills. So tonight, for better or worse, I plan to ask for advice.

Whether or not I get the answer I want, hopefully I’ll begin to feel less alone, and will begin to draw strength from others in the “community”.

Stay tuned………