More Alike Than I Realized

Well after an evening of uncertainty and self recrimination, I received some responses from my fellows in the forum.

The crux of my self doubt stemmed from a recent incident with my wife. Our disagreement boiled down to my perception that her recent attitude and behavior had been disrespectful, and her rather forceful argument that I was over reacting and being way too sensitive.

What you need to understand is that my wife is a consummate debater and can be incredibly persuasive. So, while she ultimately accepted and received a punishment, she also succeeded in sewing the seeds of doubt in my mind, leaving me to question my actions.

After reading the comments from the forum, however, I believe that was exactly what she had in mind. The consensus was that her arguments were probably just a last-ditch attempt to get out of a punishment, and, that I needed to remind her that her submission to me, as Head of Household, means accepting my decisions, whether she agrees with them or not. Given my propensity for self doubt, I need to remind myself of this second point as well.

I may not be “hard-wired” for my role, but with a little support from those who are, I believe I can make this work.

Lonely at the “Top”

Apparently, when my mother was filling out the order form for her bouncing baby boy (that would be me), she forgot to check the boxes for the “Assertiveness” and “Decisiveness” genes.

Consequently, these are two of my weaker character traits. This means that, as the head of household, every action I take and decision I make, requires diligent concentration and deliberate thought. My role and responsibilities as hoh don’t flow organically from my personality.

In most situations, my actions and decisions are simple and straightforward. We have several rules with defined consequences. She breaks a rule, she gets the consequence. My role is, to a certain extent, choreographed for me. With predefined actions and dialog.

But in some situations, my responsibility and my authority are less well defined. In those situations, I start second guessing my decisions and questioning my judgment. I desperately want someone objective to offer some guidance and tell me whether I was right, or whether I was wrong. But who can I turn to, who can I confide in?

I could certainly post a question in the forum I belong to. There are a number of men in the forum who would be only too willing to offer advice. My problem is that although I share the same role as these men, I have a difficult time relating to them. Most seem hardwired for this lifestyle, with an abundance of the “Assertiveness” and “Decisiveness” genes. Many also have very different goals and relationships with their wives, than I have with mine. Consequently, I have been reluctant to post.

But I’ve grown weary of being the lone horseman, tilting at windmills. So tonight, for better or worse, I plan to ask for advice.

Whether or not I get the answer I want, hopefully I’ll begin to feel less alone, and will begin to draw strength from others in the “community”.

Stay tuned………

From Vanilla to DD, and how it could benefit our communities

Without having been led to this lifestyle by my wife, I would have never known it existed.

I was raised in a conventional home by a very strong woman, and also came of age in the seventies during the height of the women's liberation movement.

My parents, and the community at large, all seemed to endorse the concept of equality in marriage, with the man and woman sharing responsibilities for running the household and raising the kids.

These are the same attitudes I brought into our marriage, which made it very difficult for me to accept, let alone embrace, a dd lifestyle. The concept that I should, "be in charge" while my wife would submit to my decisions, seemed foreign and unfair.

However, the longer we work on this lifestyle, the more value I see in it, not just for us, but for society at large. As a friend pointed out, all organizations, great and small, need a strong leader in order to be successful.

I don't think our community is ready or willing to take the time to understand this lifestyle. Too many would be put off by the concept of discipline, consensual or otherwise. And if they were honest with themselves, I suspect that far too many more would be put off by the amount of work and the acceptance of responsibility required by this type of lifestyle (for both the hoh and the sub).

It's a shame.

I think the self-discipline and personal responsibility inherent in a dd lifestyle would benefit our society greatly. Too often in the news we hear of people who have abdicated their responsibilities, to their children, their family and their fellow citizens. They blame inadequate school systems, bad government, etc.

How much better would our society be if everyone stepped up and took responsibility for their lives and their relationships.

Perhaps someday.........

More Thoughts on Consistency

There have been instances where I have chosen not to discipline, and each and every time I have regretted it.

Consistency is very, very important to my wife. In her mind, not getting punished for something, that she knows she has done, leaves her thinking that I am not commited to our lifestyle. She's left feeling lost, and thinking that she's not important enough to me to be worth the effort.

The irony is that I'm absolutely crazy about her, and would never knowingly hurt her.

It seems to me that one of the most important keys to success, in a dd relationship, is for a couple to sit down and carefully consider exactly what rules and punishments best fit their needs. And then, to follow through on these plans as diligently as they can.

That's what I strive for.
Stay tuned.