What Price DD?

How important is your DD lifestyle? More important than your relationship with your spouse?

I ask this because of a recent experience in our DD forum. One of our members has a strong need to live a DD lifestyle, but her husband, despite his best efforts, just can’t bring himself to make the change from a “vanilla” life. He can’t provide the structure and the discipline that she craves.

As if this wasn’t enough for them to deal with, they have also had to deal with her brain injury which is life threatening.

Unwilling to settle for a “vanilla” life with a loving husband, this woman sought out and found, a man outside of her marriage to provide the structure and the discipline that she craved. She did this secretly, behind the back of the man she had promised to Love, Honor, and Cherish.

She rationalized her behavior to the rest of the forum members by saying that she loved her husband and had no intention of leaving him. She said there was no emotional attachment to this man she refers to as her “mentor”. She viewed him as something of a cross between a close friend and a care provider.

Our forum members split into two camps.

The first group accepted her explanation, and felt that as long as she wasn’t sexually or emotionally involved with her “mentor”, and loved her husband, there was nothing wrong in seeking what she needed outside of her marriage, even if it meant she had to hide it from her husband.

The second group was aghast at her behavior. They found it unconscionable that she would go behind her husbands back. Given the intimate nature of a DD relationship, baring your bottom for discipline, they felt it was tantamount to having an affair. They chided her for not being honest with her husband.

After seven months of seeing her “mentor”, this woman decided to come clean with her husband. She told him everything. She told him of her need for the structure and discipline of a DD relationship and how much it was helping her in her life and in coping with her medical condition. She assured him that there was no romantic or sexual relationship with her “mentor”, and told him that if he had any misgivings she would stop seeing him.

Purportedly, after laying all of her secrets on the table, and assuring her husband that she had no interest in a relationship with her “mentor”, her husband forgave her indiscretion and told her that she could continue to see her “mentor”. Allegedly, he even went so far as to tell her that she was welcome to bring her “mentor” into their home.

Many of our forum members accepted her confession, and her husband’s acquiescence, as a fitting and enlightened ending to an unfortunate situation. They congratulated her for confessing her transgressions and applauded her husband’s magnanimity.

I, on the other hand, saw things a bit differently.

I believe she told her husband for purely selfish reasons. She felt guilty for lying and needed to be forgiven. Her husband certainly didn’t benefit from her confession. It hurt him. In fact, it put him in a very untenable position. He was faced with accepting her lie and forgiving her, or being outraged and angry with his dying wife.

What a horrible thing to do to the man that you love.

So I ask again, what price DD?